To seize or not to seize....

I have seizures. Not grand mal, thank goodness, but still frightening and frustrating. I thought they were getting better, but after doing some research on epilepsy.com last night (awesome website, BTW) Ed and I think I'm having more seizures than I realized. Not all of them are "twitchy" - some of them are more like "zoning out" and mood changes or panic attacks accompanied by an inability to speak or great difficulty in speaking. Sometimes they are followed by difficulty in using my right arm and leg. I hate being like this in public - I look like the kind of person kids laugh at for being a "retard". I can't help but think of all the times I've fussed at our youngest son for making fun of people. You never know what is wrong with someone just by looking at them. I may look mentally and physically challenged at times, but I'm not. I'm still me inside. Heaven help anyone I catch laughing at me! Or worse - anyone that Ed catches laughing at me! :)

Anyway, about the seizures...sometimes I have a warning before a seizure starts, sometimes I don't. When I do have a warning it's a funny buzzing sound in my head that just gets louder and louder. The longer it buzzes before I start twitching the more intense I know the seizure will be. Sometimes it only lasts a couple of minutes, sometimes it's as long as ten or fifteen minutes.

I was really surprised at all the symptoms of a seizure. I've bolded the symptoms I experience in this partial list from epilepsy.com:

Seizure symptoms
Sensory/Thought:
Black out, Confusion, Deafness/Sounds , Electric Shock Feeling , Loss of consciousness, Smell, Spacing out, Out of body experience, Visual loss or blurring

Emotional: Fear/Panic

Physical:,
Chewing movements,Convulsion, Difficulty talking, Drooling, Eyelid fluttering, Eyes rolling up , Falling down, Foot stomping, Hand waving, Inability to move , Incontinence, Lip smacking, Making sounds, Shaking, Staring, Stiffening , Swallowing, Sweating, Teeth clenching/grinding , Tongue biting, Tremors, Twitching movements , Breathing difficulty, Heart racing,

I hope to see our family doctor soon and discuss this with him. Last time I saw him I don't think he really believed that I'm having symptoms. He seemed to think it was just anxiety, but we know it's more than that. And besides, anyone having seizures is going to be anxious! Not being able to control what your body is doing is a terrifying experience.